The Christmas after their dad died, my children were struggling. Holiday activities were painful reminders that he was no longer here to celebrate. They would burst into tears suddenly, creating awkward moments for those around them who weren’t grieving and didn’t quite know what to do. They both wanted to enjoy the season and couldn’t stop thinking about their loss.
Holidays after the death of a loved one can be quite complicated for children and families. Continued grief can create confusion and mixed feelings. Help grieving children ages 3+ and their peers explore this experience by reading Joanna Rowland’s story, The Memory Tree: A Holiday Grief Book, and trying out one or more of the following activities.
Recall. The child in the story feels that Christmas doesn’t feel the same without their loved one. She also worries that she will forget the person who has died. Draw pictures of yourselves doing something special with a loved one who won’t be able to celebrate with you this holiday. (The person could be someone who has died or someone who cannot be present for other reasons.) Hang your pictures among the holiday decorations as a reminder of those people.
Ornaments. The family makes ornaments that represent things that were important to their loved one. Suggest that children make a list of people they wish could be with them on Christmas. Then brainstorm ornament ideas that might represent those people and make (or buy) a few of them. For example, ornaments might depict favorite sports teams, hobbies, foods, or sayings.
Friends. When the family’s friends hear about their Memory Tree, they bring ornaments to share as well. Get together (in-person or online) with others and tell stories about loved ones you are missing/grieving this holiday season. Make and exchange ornaments celebrating each other’s loved ones or decorate a virtual Memory Tree (such as a Wishful Tree) together with remembrances and good wishes.
Senses. The family visits their loved one’s favorite places and makes their favorite foods. They sense their loved one’s presence through those sights, sounds, and smells. Plan a holiday trip to a loved one’s favorite park, museum, or other spot. Make a dish they loved to eat on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Or buy a scented candle with a smell that reminds you of them and light it while you share memories.
True story. At the end of the book, the author talks about a family and their daughter who inspired her to write The Memory Tree. Read this section with older children and invite them to share their thoughts on this true story. Ask: Why do you think the family wanted others to know their story? What are some things you could do to help a family that is grieving? What would you want others to do for you if you were [are] grieving?
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