Hanukkah is in full swing and Christmas is just around the corner, which means children are caught up in the excitement of gift-giving and receiving. Parents and caregivers know that most kids focus on what they might get, although many love to buy or make gifts for others, too. The problem is striking a balance between giving and receiving.
It can seem like holidays promote greed more than generosity. Playing dreidel to win candies, dreaming about stockings stuffed with small gifts, unwrapping presents – all these activities can generate kids’ desire for more, more, more. They may have trouble letting go of the ‘high’ that receiving things generates.
Plus, since young children equate fairness with parity, they may be keeping track of the number of gifts they receive in comparison with others. They may not realize that their one expensive gift is equivalent to several smaller, less expensive, presents received by a sibling. Or they may compare gift size and think a small-sized present is less significant than a larger one despite the gifts’ equivalent worth.
One way to help children better understand the give and take of gift-giving is to involve them in planning gifts for others. Begin by asking them what kinds of things the other person might like. Suggest that they think about what the person enjoys doing or places they like to go. Encourage them to pay extra attention, watching for clues to favorite things or foods. With older children, you might invite them to wonder about gifts that might make someone’s life easier, based on their observations.
If you’ve already finished shopping or making gifts, invite children to help you wrap the presents and share why you selected various items. You might play a guessing game, where you show them various gifts and ask them to guess who they are for and why. Or you might identify a gift for a particular person and encourage them to guess why you picked that gift. In either case, you could indicate whether their guesses are ‘hot’ (close) or ‘cold’ (distant) from your thinking to keep them guessing if they don’t get the answer the first time.
Another way to emphasize giving is to make holiday gift planning a year-round activity. Create a physical or online whiteboard or journal where family members can enter their observations of someone’s activities and likes. Include a space for gift ideas, along with an explanation for why the gift would be a good fit. With older children, set a budget for gift-giving and encourage them to research the cost of making or buying the various things they come up with.
Whatever approaches you take to gift-giving, remind children that others are doing something similar in selecting gifts for them. Suggest that they imagine the backstory of a gift – i.e., what the other person was thinking as they picked it out – and respond with thanks for the effort even if they don’t love the gift.
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