Becoming a parent for the first time was both amazing and terrifying. As the eldest of five children, I had years of experience caring for younger siblings. I’d done a ton of babysitting and spent time with friends and their infants. Yet I felt totally unprepared for the overwhelming emotions, fears, and dreams that took over my life when I held my own child.
Parenthood is a major life transition like becoming a legal adult, choosing a life partner, and grieving the loss of parents. Yet experts believe that it is also a transformative experience that radically changes how we understand the world. That’s because there are things about parenthood that we just can’t know without experiencing it. Even our imaginations aren’t creative enough to make sense of such an all-encompassing event beforehand.
Parenthood calls into question many of our assumptions about what matters. We might think we can’t live without a certain rhythm of life, or that climate change isn’t really that big a deal. But then we adjust our daily schedule to accommodate a child and realize that different rhythms work as well. We reflect on the implications of the earth growing warmer and want a different future for our kids.
Parenthood also prompts us to reconsider who we are. We wonder how being a parent will change our sense of self. Those who see themselves as fairly laid back may become more anxious as the need to keep a small human safe becomes real. Those who pride themselves on keeping to a schedule may find a relaxed pace more conducive to family life. A stickler for rules may discover an indulgent side. A germaphobe may come to appreciate the pleasures of mud puddle jumping.
Sometimes, parenthood can also lead to personal revelations or spiritual awakenings. Caring for a child may introduce us to depths of love, courage, and resilience that we never thought possible. It may awaken a mama or papa bear persona prepared to fiercely defend our young. It might prompt us to embrace hopefulness and work for change so that our children can flourish. For some, it may deeply affirm religious beliefs or draw us into religious communities.
Psychologists suggest that our receptivity to new parenting experiences affects how likely we are to be transformed. When we recognize that change is a part of the process, it is easier to notice how our ideas and values are being challenged and explore new possibilities. We become active participants in our own transformation, which can increase our sense of fulfillment and wellbeing.
It’s no wonder, then, that many parents talk about ‘before’ and ‘after’ becoming parents as different worlds and can’t imagine themselves going back. The new knowledge gained from our parenting experiences can’t be unlearned. Being a parent isn’t just a role we play; it’s a part of our core identity. This irreversibility is another mark of transformation. We’ve not just entered a new stage of life. We have been remade as people.
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