My first grandchild was born last month and my heart will never be the same. To say that I fell in love with her is an understatement. She amazed me with her feistyness, particularly because she had to spend her first few days in the NICU. I could hardly wait to hold her, to welcome her into our family, to sing her lullabies. This year, she is my favorite valentine.
Despite the commercialization of Valentine’s Day, many children (and adults) enjoy exchanging cards and loving words on February 14. There’s something about letting others know you care about them that’s appealing. And many of us enjoy receiving signs that others care for us as well. Valentine’s Day has the potential to deepen our sense of connection with one another.
However, children sometimes lose this sense of connection when exchanging valentines becomes a practice of giving every child in their class the same card. Rules about bringing something for everyone matter and also obscure the specialness of asking someone to be your valentine. Children may go through the motions instead of truly reaching out.
To counteract this potential disconnection, suggest that kids invite a few people to be their special valentines. These chosen ones might be extended family members, neighbors, or community members. They could be people the child knows well or someone the child wants to get to know better.
Encourage children to think about how they might express care for their special valentines. They could name some things that they appreciate about a person or invite them to join in a shared activity. They could decorate a heart with fancy trimmings designed to cheer someone up. Or they might write a poem or story that celebrates their relationship or talks about their hopes for the future with them.
Parents and caregivers might also ask children what qualities make them a good valentine for others. Suggest that kids reflect on the ways that they are a good friend or show kindness to others. Or help them make a list of their favorite ways to be helpers in their community. Affirm their positive characteristics and wonder together about additional qualities they might want to cultivate.
Adults can also create special valentines for children that share your appreciation for them. Offer them insight into how much you value them and want them to be themselves. Promise to do some of their favorite activities with them. Write a silly joke and laugh over it together. Or create a valentine scavenger hunt as a way to have fun together.
You might also encourage kids to celebrate their special valentines at other times of year, too. Explain that strong connections require effort, so letting others know that you appreciate them needs to happen more than just on Valentine’s Day. They might continue the practice of making cards or use other means of showing they care. What matters is that they reach out and share how they feel.
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